Deep-Pressed
[FULL OF PERSONAL SUBJECTIVITY ALERT]
Being deep-pressed or depressed? Or is it depressed because of massive deep-pressure? Am not gonna talk about depression here because first thing first this subject is definitely not my forte major and second you can check the valid definition in DSM-5 book. Ah and DSM itself stands for The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Am also not going to discuss in much detail because I clearly didn’t want to reminisce my bittersweet medschool Psychiatry Minor Rotation whilst doing clinical clerkship. So anyway, I did recollect some events where we — the main player of this quarter life crisis game — are mostly getting skeptical and cynical in life. Maybe the long run of this indefinite pandemic would also play a great role too. Whenever you check your socmed, there are quite a few people who would express their frustration or getting desperate in this unfavorable situation. Once again, I’m not gonna discuss about those abundant topic of mental health during pandemic because you can easily figure out on webs or maybe you’ve experienced it first hand.
So,
what I want to talk about is simply being deep-pressed for whatever situations triggered you. Being deep-pressed, I thought that I’ve been overcoming it for the past 1.5 years but turned out that I’ve found another trigger that caused me so. When you thought you’ve succeeded enough to say final goodbye to the most unpleasant thing in your life, and that thing turns out coming back to you again in the greater upgraded version that you even didn’t recognize it at first glance, the hardest thing for you would be saying “hello there, welcome to my life, again”. Those triggers are various you see, as for my case it’s actually being far from personal matters. There’s even no individual feeling involved. And I could say that at this current state, that every single thing, even professional matters could be a potential trigger to your state of being deep-pressed. So there’s nothing you could do when those things are coming back to your life again right? It would be toxic, we know it. But isn’t the more toxins we engulfed, the more antibodies we will produce so that we’re gonna be immune? Wouldn’t you want to upgrade yourself, and becoming immune to whatever life throws at you in the upcoming future? So there’s nothing you could do but to live with it. Embrace it. Engulf it. Then let your mind and body do the rest.
However,
the process would be immensely painful I know. Well medically said, when you ingested some poisonous or expired food you would feel nauseous, dizzy, palpitation, stomachache, and so on. Your body would be forced to quell and neutralize the harmful substance and thus eradicating it. You would also know that those process will come with a price and that is the familiarly-alien feeling you always encounter when physically being ill. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the exact analogy that we should grasp in facing various toxins and poisons around us in the form of life pressures. Main query would be: How does our mental system will be able to produce psychological ‘antibody’ to keep us clearheaded and well-balanced? That ain’t so easy. The literal vaccine would even take decades after going through multiple clinical trials and failures to produce the most suitable consumable formula. So don’t expect that your mental system would be quickly producing mental- antibody just in the couple of weeks or months. Everything needs process after all. And moving back to the dreadful analogy, our mind will also be suffering just as our body did when fighting the toxin. How do we suffer? It strongly depends on each individual’s ability on performing the coping mechanism and fight-or-flight reaction. But I might say, that coping mechanism has its stages and it’s not all about positivity.
Thus,
at the initial stage you might be feeling helpless or losing all your sparks in life. It’s okay. It’s okay when you’re just being silent all the day, when you’re not even getting up from your bed nor taking a bath for 2 days, when you’re just eating a single bread for breakfast-lunch-and dinner, when you’re being away from the people who contacted you, when you’re sleeping for almost 16 hours in a day, when you’re not being able to cry and being numb instead, when you’re losing your self-worth, or worse, when you’re starting to lose a little faith. It’s okay. It’s all okay. No one has the right to judge you. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, mourn as long as you want but please keep the first ground-rule in your mind. We have this repetitive indoctrinated remarkable jargon in medical term “Primum non nocere” which means first, do no harm. So please, do anything you want but do no harm to yourself and the people around you. It’s okay to feel deep-pressed or maybe depressed. It’s your mental system in exerting to produce your lifetime mental-antibody. And it’s okay to have this kind of feeling… because once you’re crossing path with similar toxins coming to your life in the future, you wouldn’t fall into the same pit of desperation of deep-pressed depressed. You wouldn’t fall hard as you are now. Because you’ve been there, done that. You’ve known the taste. You’ve known the experience. And of course you didn’t want yourself to go back to that hellhole ever again. So next time when a certain toxin trigger find its way to you, you will have been already got your mental-antibody, and hopefully you will be immune to it. Isn’t being deep-pressed also make our mind to become more solid and firm? So once again, it’s okay :)
PS: It’s not my responsibility when the triggers are mutating haha. Good luck.
Originally published at https://www.tumblr.com on October 28, 2020.
